Anyone who loves reading and words probably can appreciate a little wordplay. These library jokes and puns prove just how funny books and reading can be.
Just maybe make sure to check these out when you’re not actually in the library – we can’t guarantee you’ll be able to hold the laughter in.
Library Jokes & Puns
1. What is the tallest building in the world? The library, because it has so many stories.
2. I will Dewey decimate you.
3. Why do most heart surgeons tell their patients to visit the library? Because they are good for circulation.
4. What advice do you get from a librarian? Believe in your shelf.
5. Where does the library keep books about conspiracies? Right behind you.
6. Dewey look good together?
7. A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says:
8. What did Ashton Kutcher say to the Librarian? Dude, where’s my library card?
9. What do librarians take fishing? Bookworms.
10. Why did the book of incantations fail to work? They forgot to run a spell check on it.
11. Why did the librarian keep buying books? She had no shelf-control.
12. What did the librarian tell the person who checked out 100 books? Don’t overdue it.
13. What do you call a teacher who never farts in the library? A private tutor.
14. Why did the book join the police force? He wanted to go undercover.
15. Why is a math book always unhappy? Because it always has a lot of problems.
16. I wrote a novel about religious women. The library put it in the nun fiction section.
17. Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. Because actions speak louder than words.
18. My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library. I said it’s for shelf-defense.
19. Why does Dracula frequent the library? He likes to sink his teeth into good books.
20. How do the books stay warm in the libraries? They wear book jackets.
21. Where are the books on reincarnation kept in a library? At the Returns Counter.
22. Why do librarians love good jokes about books? They always get the reference.
23. Why did the librarian get fired? She was always checked out.
24. Why can’t librarians finish mystery books? They keep reading between the lines.
25. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor.
26. Librarians are always going by the book.
27. What do dogs and storytellers have in common? They both have tails.
28. What does Moby Dick like to eat? Fish and ships.
29. What do Turkish librarians eat for lunch? Shh kebabs.
30. What kind of writing pays the most? Ransom notes.
31. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
32. Why was Harry Potter sent to Dumbledore’s office? For cursing in class.
33. Why do bookworms never go out? Because they are always booked.
34. How do librarians save contacts on their phones? They ask for people’s call number.
35. How did the librarian slip and fall? She was working in the non-friction section.
36. Which book in the library wants everyone to leave it alone? A withdrawn book.
37. Why did the young man visit the librarian often? To get into her good books.
38. The librarian gave a scientist a book about helium. He just couldn’t put it down.
39. What do librarians do after they retire? They get ready for a new chapter in their life.
40. How did the reader feel after reading a book about colors? It blue him away.
41. Which vegetables do librarians like? Quiet peas!
42. Which section of the library should you avoid if you’re afraid of snakes? Hisss-tory.
43. Who is the biggest storyteller at school? The lie-brarian!
44. Who was the toughest guy in the book club? Conan, the Librarian.
45. Do old librarians ever die? No, but they do lose their references.
46. What is a librarian’s favorite chocolate snack? HerSHH-ey’s Kisses.
47. Why did the library book have to go to the hospital? ‘Cause it hurt its spine.
48. Why did so few folks at the library check out the Dachshund’s autobiography? Because it was such a long story.
49. What did the librarian say after she was told that the reader hadn’t read Fitzgerald? “You’ve Gatsby kidding me!”
50. What do readers have to say about the new book about teleportation? It sure will get you somewhere.
51. What did the librarian say to the guy who said he disliked Lord Of The Rings? “Do you even know what you are Tolkien about?”
52. What are you supposed to do if your pet starts to eat your book? Take words out of his mouth right away.
53. I asked the librarian if he knew the author of a dinosaur book. He said try Sarah Topps.
54. I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books. I should probably get that checked out.
55. What does a religion enthusiast say to her religious library book? Our bond is canon.
56. Why did the ghost come back to the library every day? She went through her books too quickly.
57. Are you a banned book? Because you’re on fire.
58. What do you get when you cross a librarian and a lawyer? All the information in the world, but you can’t understand a word of it.
59. What do you call a South American librarian who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina.
60. What did the librarian say to the astronaut? You should find space for a book.
